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Songs of Valhalla
Bard Agarwaen Gix's Catalogue I would very much like to point out that though some may seen rather pointed and insulting, these songs and poems are meant only as teasing and to make people laugh. '' '''Now showing on a hopefully weekly basis here in the back room of the Chicken's Rest, and simultaneously magic-cast to all other similar boards, a Bard known as the Grateful Red, formerly of the Agarwaen Gix Experience. Tonight's selection is to the tune of an old cartoon theme called Spiderman.' Drasnian Drasnian, Drasnian, no one runs faster than Drasnian! Are they strong? Listen bud! They get stuck walking in the mud! where? Over in Drasnian! Drasnian, Drasnian, shameless philistine Drasnian! Glassy look in their eyes, open mouth for catching flies. Look out! There goes a Drasnian! In the heat of night, in the shadowy dark, they get beaten up, because they always miss the mark! Drasnian, Drasnian, not easy to be Drasnian! Though they die, they return. By Odin I hope this time they learn! What? The price to be Drasnian! The Grateful Red does accept requests, although the right is reserved to give you not quite what you thought you would get. The Grateful Red present for you general amusement a wee ditty in memorium of those lost to aquatic misadventures at the hands of Big Brother! To the tune of Love Shack by the B52s Codsmack If you see flaming demon by the side of the road that says 15 seconds til a Codsmack! Codsmack yeah! I'm heading down the Midgaard highway, Lookin' for the quick getaway! Lookin' for a quick getaway! I found a demon with a long pointy tail I gave it a pull now I'm running from a codsmack. It was just a joke, I was just funning But since that moment for my life I been running! The codsmack is a big old fish that comes from Etna! Codsmack bay-bee! Codsmack! Godly codsmack! (OW! Man right in the back!) Codsmack! Godly codsmack! (Wow, that fish knocked me flat) Demon says "HEY! Get away fools, it my rules or a co-o-odsmack!" Well, I didn't think it was real, It was just a tale, But then I did feel What Fate did reveal. Fish scales on the branches, Fish scales on the roadway, Fish scales on the cityguard, Fish scales coming my way! The codsmack is a big old fish that comes from Etna! Codsmack bay-bee! Codsmack! What the heck was that? Codsmack! Knockin me flat! Fleein' and a runnin', future's lookin' bleak, When I get hit with that fish it knocks me into next week! The demon giggles! The demon giggles! The demon giggles when everybody's runnin' around and around and around and around! Bang! Bang! Bang! On the floor, bay-bay! Codsmack, think it knocked loose a tooth! Bang! Bang! Bang! Have some more bay-bay! Codsmack, you love it and that's the truth! No one is safe from my morphographic mayhem! My lacerating lyrics! My herculean humour! P.S. Next performance may be given from a more dream-like and scary location! The Grateful Red This time the Grateful Red is going to change it up a bit. No music tonight, ' just the wondrousness of my words in multi-stanza limerick form. Enjoy!' One day the when I entered the town, Of Udgaard, I did look all around, And at the who list It was hard to miss, The Gold Boys who tremble the ground! Out of the blue I was forced to see, A painful epiphany, In seconds was dead, Something caved in my head, Twas Agents Of Hypocrisy! Though the King of Fumble did fall, Because he is winning it all, Though their tactics were stale, And they did not fail, He was glad to provide someone to maul! Good reader don't make the mistake, Of thinking that I bellyache! Even though I died, I still beam with pride, To kill one Kindred it took six AoH! Based on a true story! Your Faithful Bard, The Grateful Red. The Grateful Red does Friday night, RETRO 80's STYLE! To the tune of Lola. Unseen Chaos One day as I was walking through Udgaard, A guy walked by, waved his hand and said "Hey, Boss. How are you today, Boss." He startled me so bad I almost ruptured my spleen, I was surprised to see him there 'cause he supposed to be Unseen Chaos, he is Unseen Chaos! That's right Unseen Chaos! Well, I've been around and I know I've rarely seen That clan of jokers in verdant aquamarine! Oh Chaos! Unsee-ee-een Chaos! And I'm not dumb but I don't understand, How the stuff they pull always goes off as planned! Oh Chaos! Unsee-ee-een Chaos! Well, I've been back for a year or more, And I'd never ever heard of U.C. before, I asked around and then I did judge, Those guys use humour instead of holding a grudge! Now I'm not the kind of guy to argue with folk, But it looks like I have competition to be the King of the Joke! From Chaos. Unsee-ee-een Chaos! Chaos! Unsee-ee-een Chaos! Unsee-ee-een Chaos! So I went to work! I crazy glued locks! I neutered some jocks! I shaved a nun's head! Then I looked over at them and said. I said "Look, it's ok to not be good as me, As long as you keep trying then you'll get better you see Chaos! Hit them with tomato sauce! Keep pulling gags even if people get mad, Because if they can't laugh at themselves then they really are sad! Chaos, Unsee-ee-een Chaos!" Well, some stuff came up and they had to go, But someday they'll be comin' back you know, And while you're sleeping wrap you in dental floss, You won't see it comin they are Unseen Chaos! So when you sleep at night, you better lock your door, Or you too could wake up with ten thousand snakes on your floor! From Chaos! Unsee-ee-een Chaos! Unsee-ee-een Chaos! Chaos! Unsee-ee-een Chaos! Unsee-ee-een Chaos! = So, I had some terrible luck with teleportaion and spent a great deal of time in the void recently. While there, I came up with this little gem. Enjoy, my peoples! The Grateful Red delivers again! (to the tune of the Fugees "Killing Me Softly") Mocking Me Softly Flaying my nerves with his verses, Shaming my life with his words, Mocking me softly with his songs, Shaming my whole life, with his words, Mocking me softly, with his song. I heard he sang some good songs, was funny and had such style, And so I went to see him and listen for a while. And there he was the young Gix, the Nemesis of Spies! Flaying my nerves with his verses, Shaming my life with his words, Mocking me softly with his songs, Shaming my whole life, with his words, Mocking me softly, with his song. I felt all flushed with fever, embarassed by the crowd, He knew my darkest secrets and sang them all aloud. I prayed he would just finish, but he kept right on! Flaying my nerves with his verses, Shaming my life with his words, Mocking me softly with his songs, Shaming my whole life, with his words, Mocking me softly, with his song. Then finally it ended, I thought my shame complete. Alas, the crowd loved it so much they asked him to repeat! My poor deflated ego! Could it take much more? Flaying my nerves with his verses, Shaming my life with his words, Mocking me softly with his songs, Shaming my whole life, with his words, Mocking me softly, with his song. = To the tune of Black Sabbath's "Iron Man" Agarwaen I AM AGARWAEN! Has he lost his mind? Put it somewhere he can't find? As he walks around Things fall dead to the ground. It has oft been said He's alone within his head. We'll just pass him there To avoid his hardened stare. Tongue like sharpened steel His words can pierce any shield! They'll last for all time, They bedazzle all mankind! Nobody taunts him The Destroyer of Churls He loves his Vengeance Unequaled in all the world. Now the time is here For Agarwaen to spread fear Vengeance by his side Kill all those they can't abide Nobody stops him They just turn their heads Even if they kill him He'll be back for his revenge! Orgal's Boots of lead, Fill his victims full of dread Running as fast as they can Agarwaen lives again! The Grateful Red always honours his mother and his father, and can often be heard singing songs of their deeds. To the tune of "Amazing Grace" Agarwaen Gix! How sweet the sound, Is that name to me! I once was just a homeless elf, Until my kin found me! Twas Gix that taught this elf to kill, And also to not care! To stab a dagger through the heart Of enemies everywhere! That Gix, he is a Kindred soul, And I chipped from his block! The Son of Greatness, Son of Gix, Tis in my blood to rock! The Gix, he has my loyalty, His wish is my command! I swear until my dying day Beside him I stand! Agarwaen Gix! How sweet the sound, Is that name to me! No longer am I homeless elf, Fore'er my Kin with me! = Category:Valhalla